What Would You Say to Your Younger Self?

I read this wonderful article from Sojourners for Women’s History Month in March where they asked select women to share responses to the question, “What would you say to your younger self to encourage her?”  

For my birthday gathering this year, I asked the amazing women who joined me to come with thoughts about this prompt as well, and this is what was shared:

• Be open to what others have to say about you but trust first what you know about yourself. Listen to yourself. Take what others say about you. Hold onto what feels true and gently discard what does not.
•  You are unique and strong and confident. You don’t need to be in a mold that others design for you.
•  You can’t figure everything out and you don’t have to figure everything out.
•  Be curious.
•  Don't abandon yourself in situations in order to make others feel better. 
• Take time to look inside yourself and decide what you think about things.
• Life is messy. Don’t look for neat little bows to tie around things. They don’t exist. Don’t worry about what others think. You are loved and that’s your anchor. And remember that it’s not your job to fix things and to make other people happy. Beloved is where you begin.
• Be kind/ generous to yourself. Listen inward. God’s faithfulness will show up every time and show you the way.
• Enjoy the second dessert, the shake and the fries with the burger because your metabolism will not be at 50 what it is at 15. And more seriously, don’t forget to enjoy all the things along the way, don’t worry about always choosing the right thing all the time, take pleasure in all those daily delights that are ever present.
• “This too shall pass”—appreciating that this applies to the tough times…and also the sweet times. So have courage through the former and savor the latter.
• “You have to suffer for beauty”—let the difficult, the messy, the painful be your refiner’s fire.
• Life is full of seasons. Like the year has four seasons and they merge into each other and each one is important for a reason- so are our seasons of life. And they don’t last long- good or tough.
•  People will be blessed as much by your silly playful side as they are by your serious, listening, spiritual side, so be silly and playful!
• Trust God before you’re at your wit’s end. Believe that you are beautiful, beloved, and enough- just as you are and exactly where you are. It will be okay. Stop striving for perfection and other’s ideals. Walk barefoot every day. Sit and watch the birds. Be still with me and breathe. You’re never alone.
• Although your younger years were not that long ago, it also feels like you’ve been multiple people along the way. But if you’ve known me since my “younger” self, you may see no change. It’s okay if the only person who knows the ins/outs of growth is you. It’s okay to be confident and happy with the you that you were then, the you that you are today, and the you that you’ll be in years to come.
• It’s not that deep.... Live deeply.... Get to really know yourself; accept the good and the not so good..... The confidence of a mediocre white guy is overrated (and dangerous)- use it sparingly; even better: build your own confidence- in God..... Find your voice; use it, even when it shakes.
• You don’t have to be perfect; no one is.

Bless that old self, they did such a good job with what they knew.
They made you who you were,
all the mistakes and heartbreak and naiveté and courage.

And blessed are who you are now,
you who aren’t pretending things are the same,
who continue to grow and stretch and

 show up to your life as it really is:
wholehearted, vulnerable, maybe a little afraid.
So blessed are we, the changed.

-Kate Bowler