a toast to friendship

It's hard to sum up over 3 decades of friendship. Below is my toast that I gave to Katherine tonight at her rehearsal dinner. Cheers! 

 31 years ago this fall in 1984, I was a 6^th grader at Harpeth Hall. And the best thing that happened to me that year was becoming fast friends with Kathy (Katherine) Falk. 

C. S. Lewis says, “Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself..."”

Katherine and I grew up together and she was my #1 friend through middle school and high school. We could talk about anything.  We studied together, we were known for taking color- coded notes in classes with Pentel markers together, we passed notes back and forth that had the lyrics from Michael W. Smith’s song “Friends are Friends Forever” written in fancy fonts we created, we traveled together on spring breaks, and she was always my roommate of choice when we went up to Dubose Conference Center at Monteagle for Happening retreats.  I remember enduring an MBA dance together with some guys we did not know very well and how we kissed the floor when we got home because it had been such an awkward evening. We shared a love for butterflies and made our way to visit the butterfly gardens in Georgia on a fun road trip with my mom one spring break. One time in our senior year, we tried to plan a perfect day together by going up to the Sewanee cross and then heading to visit friends in Chattanooga. Our perfect day did not work out exactly as we’d planned and I remember us laughing about all of the things that fell apart that day.  (I’m thankful that it seems that Neal was actually able to plan and pull off that perfect day at the Sewanee cross when they got engaged there!)

She knew me inside and out.  One year out of college when I got married, she stood next to me as my maid of honor.  Years later, she was with me in the hospital room when my son Taylor was born.  Her first trip to Kenya was with me, my mom and my daughter Anna, and from there, she has gone on to make an incredible difference in so many lives through her involvement there.  To discover a kindred spirit is to find a heart in the heart of a friend, and I am so thankful that God gave me Katherine who has been a kindred spirit through many seasons. 

Last year, when my daughter Anna was in 6^th grade, she came home from a Young Life event and through her tears said, “Mom, I really want to have a friend like you had Katherine in 6^th grade.” As I listened to her express that she felt that everyone else seemed to have known each other since they were born and that she felt like she was a bit of an outsider in some circles, I cried with her too because I realize how valuable a friend I’d been given in Katherine and I want the same gift for my daughter. We prayed together with hope and expectancy of what God was going to do.

Later last fall, as I was praying for Anna for her friendships along with a few other things, I was reminded of bulbs I had just planted in my garden.  These bulbs were being rooted and grounded in the fall, and through the winter, something was happening even though I could not see anything at all.  The flowers would come in the spring and hope was just around the corner.   God is indeed at work even though we can’t always see what is going on underground. 

When I was home last Christmas, I got together with Katherine and we talked about her waiting for marriage and about the pain of the loss from the last decade.  While I was sharing with her about our learning to wait on jobs and on friendships to grow, I asked her if she could give me some insight on the waiting in her life.  While she shared about the loss of her dad, Eric and Bob, she talked about how for a while she felt that God must be trying to teach her a lot of lessons through all of these losses.  While God does teach us through our life circumstances, she reflected that this is not why these things happened. And the next thing she said has been something that has encouraged me more than just about anything else in this last year.  She said that God has been actually cultivating trust in her through it all. And that deeper trust has drawn her heart closer to Him through all of these things.

Neal and Katherine, as I look at the two of you and as we celebrate your marriage, I rejoice as your story is like those bulbs I planted in my garden.  For a long time, we did not see what God was up to. But now, we rejoice in the beautiful grace that we see in this garden.  Your love for one another is something we are all going to enjoy watching grow.

God has cultivated such beauty in you, Katherine over the years.  He has cultivated love. He has cultivated joy. He has been cultivating trust.

Neal, Katherine was my first kindred spirit.  For 31 years, I’ve known what a treasure she is.  And Neal- now she’s your beloved kindred spirit. I am so thankful that you see the beauty in her and that you know what a treasure you’ve found.  And I am so thankful for the treasure you are that she has found as well.

I celebrate the way God knits two people together as we have seen through your relationship.  Something sacred is happening in this moment, something that will, with grace and intention and faith and hard work, build upon itself and grow in power and beauty and durability with each passing year and that will continue the work of cultivating trust in your lives.

Bless you both as you walk together loving forth the image of God in each other.