Benign Neglect

A lot of friends have asked how empty nesting is going. Because our fall schedule was so busy after dropping Taylor off at college with Anne Carney's wedding in Nashville, the birthday celebration for Peter in Florence, the Chicago marathon, and Jason's college reunion in CA , we did not settle into a routine right away. But, I will say that there are certainly fewer moving parts in general, and our grocery bill is much smaller these days.  Below is an email my friend Jan sent to me, and it's such a lovely reflection that I wanted to hold on to. 

Dear Emily,

Congratulations and welcome to this next phase of parenting: We always called it "Benign Neglect." Now your responsibility is to encourage & affirm, maybe ask clarifying questions. Otherwise, it's "hands-off." Not easy. Especially for mama's & their boys. Whenever mine was about to leave across the country, I knew there was a deep sob waiting in the shadows. Wrenching. But over quickly, and then no problem. When we were fearful, it was helpful to remember that as much as we loved each of our kids, God loved them more and had more power to take care of them. An early picture was also helpful--that parents are the bow and kids are the arrows, which will be shot into the future, where we will never be able to go. That is the plan. They are supposed to leave us. And come back as brothers & sisters in Christ.

Now, with my Eldest at 48, Middle at 45, Youngest at 41, they have each found a life partner and have their own kids to worry about. We still pray for them every day, thinking, who else will? That is now our assignment. We know them better and for longer than anybody else on the planet, so who better to pray and cheer for them and grieve with them when life takes an unexpected turn (a divorce for our middle, and then a kidney transplant). Grace is received day by day.

My love to you,

Jan