I recently found a journal entry from May 1994 (yikes- that is 25 years ago!) that I wrote up at Narnia- my favorite park near Stanford campus where I would go for time to pray and to reflect.
Again, I can hear God saying, "Don't you see? Don't you see? I have created you and I love you. I have a plan of wholeness and joy for your life. I want to free you from yourself. I want to free you from your hurt. Just look to the cross. See that it is finished and all you have to do is accept that it is taken care of and follow me. Return to me and leave your worries at the foot of the cross. I will take care of you. Don't get caught up in your desire to know and predict your future. Just follow me each step of the way and depend on me and trust me. I have called you to walk in the light. Why are you still lurking in the shadows? Don't you remember that you are a new creation? You are free from your old self because of the cross. You don't have to keep following your old principles and believing the same old lies. No, my child, I have transformed you. I have given you wings to fly. I have given you a seal for your hearts, which is the Holy Spirit. Therefore, renew your minds and come to me and I will restore you to peace."
I am at the UPC Women's retreat this weekend and it's sweet to look back at this journal entry from so long ago. I have no recollection of what was stirring in me when I wrote this, but I am grateful for little windows of this dance with God over so many years and for the same truths that I need to keep on hearing no matter what stage of life I'm in.
picture from my run at Narnia - January 2019
favorite song lately that I play on repeat-
It's so unusual it's frightening
You see right through the mess inside me
And you call me out to pull me in
You tell me I can start again
And I don't need to keep on hiding
I'm fully known and loved by You
You won't let go no matter what I do
And it's not one or the other
It's hard truth and ridiculous grace
To be known fully known and loved by You
I'm fully known and loved by You
It's so like You to keep pursuing
It's so like me to go astray, ooh
But You guard my heart with Your truth
The kind of love that's bullet proof
And I surrender to Your kindness, oh
I'm fully known and loved by You
You won't let go no matter what I do
And it's not one or the other
It's hard truth and ridiculous grace
To be known fully known and loved by You
I'm fully known and loved by You
How real, how wide
How rich, how high is Your heart
I cannot find the reasons why
You give me so much
How real, how wide
How rich, how high is Your heart
Now, I cannot find the reasons why
You give me so much
I'm fully known (fully known) and loved by You
You won't let go (no you won't let go) no matter what I do
And it's not one or the other
It's hard truth and ridiculous grace
To be known fully known and loved by You
I'm fully known and loved by You
It's so unusual it's frightening
I'm fully known and loved by You
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