the gift of a hug...

Jason and I went on a marriage retreat at the end of September. Some of the most profound parts of the weekend were the most simple.  Being intentional in connecting in our relationships can make all the difference.  One exercise during the retreat was a simple hug with one another. It was not a quick hug with a pat on the back and then running off to the next thing, but it was a hug where we were asked to slow down and begin to feel one another’s chests rise and fall in sync as we took some deep breaths.

This “mindful” hug was profound for me. At first, I must admit that I began to laugh as it was a bit uncomfortable in our group setting, and I was imagining some cheesy ocean sounds in the background. But after my giggles (and wondering if I was going to get in trouble for being the kid who could not focus in class), I was able to enter into the present moment and to see the impact a simple hug could have. I could rest in that moment with Jason and put aside any other concerns that were on my mind. I could let go to the gift of the present.

We’ve made it our practice to hug each evening after we talk and catch up about the day. It has been a good discipline and one that continues to tutor me and teach me in the ways of loving well. Last week, after the kids were tucked in bed, we sat down on the couch to share about our days.  For some reason, I was not communicating well and I was pushing Jason’s buttons as I interrupted him on a few occasions and I made some assumptions in our conversation that were off base.  At one point, I put my face in my hands in exasperation. We both apologized for our part in the disconnected conversation and stood up for our hug. I admit that this was the last thing I wanted to do. I did not feel like hugging after such an unsatisfying conversation. But we were committed to this so I put my arms around him and squeezed him close.  I began to laugh, and this laughter seemed to be just the thing I needed to break the icy waters that had surfaced.  Our hug helped me to get back to that connected place and to begin again. As Tina Sellers writes, it is true indeed that “love heals, bonds and sustains.”

 See http://blog.tinaschermersellers.com/2011/10/31/a-failure-to-thrive-marriage-in-the-21st-century/ and  http://blog.tinaschermersellers.com/2011/09/10/walking-the-talk-…/ for more good stuff around this topic. 

Did you know that a 20 second hug 

releases the bonding hormone and neurotransmitter, oxytocin, 

which is nature's antidepressant and anti-anxiety hormone?!!